About two weeks ago, before Christmas, my face flared up really bad. Like, REALLLY BAD! I didn't remember having put anything, I had stopped using Menard Tsukika Emulsion about one week already as well, and I didn't remember I had eaten anything that could possibly trigger this flare. So I didn't know why my face flared up like that. Or maybe the stress? I was about to perform piano accompaniment for my choir on Christmas Eve, but it was not something stressful though I was a bit anxious at the beginning of the month. However, D-7 everything was going smoothly so I didn't think I got that stress..

You see my chin looks as if it's in angry mode leh. So many eruptions and they itch every now and then.. Maybe because of the dryness? The red dot under my lower lip resulting from popping a pimple hehe.. Itchy hand is back yo!

Since I've been 6 months off moisturizer, I would like to incorporate moisturizer into my routine. Bleh, actually I don't have any routines, all I do is only washing my face with water.. *loser* I've tried smeared moisturizer on my T-zone and chin twice. It still looks good of course, I usually have to wait until day 14-21 to confirm my skin doesn't react to this moisturizer. Sucks, isn't it?

Anyway, I am still in between about going to Singapore or not next year. If my face has not healed I don't want to go lah of course. I'm not making myself out of embarassment. I am quite optimistic that in next 4 months there will be more significant improvement, but.. been on this journey, the ups-and-downs are rather unpredictable.. Reason #2, is because actually I am not that interested in it. Gonna attend an exhibition there, and only an exhibition. Not the lectures.. And I'm not planning to going around Singapore much.

I really want to go to Taiwan instead wahahaha.. So many many cakes I would like to buy there.. Delicious food, pretty clothes, cheap bags & accessories. HEAVEN! It's been 7 years already, how can I not miss that country?! Also I want to challenge my Chinese proficiency again :D

I find it's hard to keep track on daily count. Much easier if I use weekly count hehe..

We are entering the third week of the third month of my withdrawal.

No pictures today cos I wear tiny bits of foundation powder. Yes, I am that brave or that foolish, whichever you might want to address me. I ordered some foundation samples from Everyday Minerals. Actually I never heard this brand before, but I am blessed to know this one person telling me. She first emailed me and apparently our skin condition and history are very very similar. She is undergoing withdrawal process too, and her journey might be rougher than mine as she said she had used more potent topical steroid for several years. Really wish her symptoms get smoother...
Back to the powder, she mentioned Bare Minerals and Everday Minerals powder as she never had reaction from those two. The first brand is already familiar to me, but quite pricey lo.. I do not want to risk burning my already-depleted savings for something that could possibly not work. So I decided to try the EDM powders.

Here, in my country, it's very difficult to look for true mineral powders. Those brands that offer mineral make-ups usually only carry small percentages of mineral ingredients and still use talc as their main properties. I can not use talc. I bought various cheap & high-end powders containing talc, all of them broke me out. Looking at my Lunasol Micro Finish Powder now is very heart-breaking as it cost me IDR 500k+++.. T___T

My samples came quite fast leh.. Only took less than one week, perhaps because they sent 'em via airmail postage, and it's only from Singapore (bought them from a reseller in Singapore not from the US web).
I ordered matte version in Fair, Golden Fair, and Linen. I chose the lightest shade the reseller provided.. US web has more lighter color like Fair Neutral which I really keen to try as well.

I still do not use the powder all over my face, only dot it on the red areas and blend with brush. The appearance is actually horrible cos my skin is flaking, hence the powder accentuates my flaky skin. But it's good enough to cover my redness. Whether my skin likes it or not, well I still don't know. It usually takes up to 2 weeks, some products can even initiate allergic reaction within 2 or 3 days only. Menard Beauness failed on day 3, while Toleriane Ultra failed around week 3..

I really really pray this EDM powder stays inert. Hahaha..

It's also been three weeks since I started workout training, and my skin is not getting worse. Actually it improves a bit, I am not really sure.. Working out gives me a very good feeling, so I will keep doing it. Of course my face still turns tomato-red during moderate exercise, but it soothes down quickly too.. Not bad, not bad.

I haven't written for more than 2 months.

Not because I don't have time to do that, believe me I have plenty. I just decided to stop seeking improvement on daily basis because this healing process went very very slowly. On one day I could be having a seemingly calm and healthy skin then suddenly those red patches appeared and they became very itchy on the next day. The cycle was quite unpredictable.

So I learned to ignore 'em.

As long as my boyfriend says I'm pretty, I am okay. Hahahaha..

Speaking of my boyfriend, I am very grateful to have him now. Aside from my immediate family, he's the only one who constantly supports me going through this process. When I told him that I was going to quit steroid and quit applying anything on my face because I hoped my skin would be able to heal on its own, he said, "Go on, do whatever makes you comfortable." and further assured me that he would still love me anyway though my skin would never heal.. *knock on wood*

Withdrawal process challenges my confidence. Wherever I go, people seem very interested towards my red cheeks and I, sometimes, can not handle that and become very insecure. When this happens, I become very irritated and my happy mood will turn upside down.
Also when I meet not so pretty girls with soft cheeks, I will get irritated. I really miss my soft rosy cheeks and I want them back. A lot of times I question myself, why is it ME? Why do I have to go through this? Why do I have to burn my wallet down on things that never worked? WHY ME?

But then I think,
It's because of my unsightly high confidence level with unlimited ignorance that I can go on with all these.
It's because I am blessed with supportive family and boyfriend.. If it's another girl with shy personality and rather low confidence and no supportive person around her, she might already have commited suicide. People going thru the same withdrawal journey will understand my feeling. It's wayyyyyy too long and mentally exhausting.

Goshhh how I wish my skin would heal faster and faster..

But I'm quite lucky now I can go back to workout routine. My face used to break out in pimples and hives after I do some weight-lift or cardio.. However, last  week I took pilates class twice and my skin didn't seem to flare anymore. Really wish it will never ever flare again cos I need to take this pilates class diligently as my back problem is rushing me... :(

The background redness on my cheeks has reduced a lot.. I still appear pinkish, and sometimes redder after eating hot & spicy food. Well, I mostly avoid hot & spicy foot but sometimes I take a tiny bit of chili just to spice up my otherwise bland meal heheh.. Still I end up with more red face, but it only lasts few minutes and my cheeks turn normal again.

Flakiness around mouth is still there.

Few days back I thought my skin skin was going to flare again. But the next day, it calmed a lot. I guess that's my hormonal attack as I was nearing my monthly period. With steroid I also got this short 'attack' as well, but it lasted longer.

Dry patches occasionally itch. I try to refrain myself from rubbing them, so I twitch my facial muscles a lot to relieve the itch lol. Hands off from your face, okay? Not good, not good.
Or if it itches so bad, I pick a clean Q-tip and press it on the itchy area.

I still do not eat seafood and limit myself from even fresh water fish.

I can't wait to use sunblock again, but I know I have to be patient for that.

I thought it's better

Last weekend I went swimming with my boyfriend and to my surprise, my skin looked very normal in pool water. Yes the surface was rough from dead skin cells, but the redness was almost gone. Probably because the water was cool so my body temperature fell below my average? The redness started to appear after 10-15 mins, when I no longer felt cold and got exposure from afternoon sun, but with less intensity of course.

I had not eaten seafood at all these past few weeks. So sad because it's like my main staple :(( I miss eating salmon, crab, squid.... *wipeoffsaliva
But nvm, for the sake of healed skin!!

My sister commented that my skin now looks thicker, not so thin as it used to be.
The flakiness isn't as severe as last week.
Pimples become dried on their own.